I did not really want to celebrate Christmas. It does not feel like a happy occasion when you have lost one of your children.

Last year Holly was not really well enough to see Christmas properly. She could not see and she could not understand the concept of Christmas so it was quite strained. It was difficult.

Saying that, she was still here. With her not being here this year, it's empty space.

To me, Christmas is about children and for children and we do have Daniel - our 12-year old son. We are lucky we still have one child. We know people who have lost both children. Having Daniel here means we have to put that effort in. He helps us do that.

Seeing people on television, seeing little girls and the presents they have makes you really sad about what might have been. I try not to let it bother me when I am out and about. I don't go out and see a little girl and burst into tears. It's when I am on my own and think about it that it affects me.

I believe in God and I believe everything happens for a reason but I do feel angry. I have times when I throw things and cry bucket-loads and scream for a bit. I have bad times because it's not right and it never will be. You should not outlive your child like this. It should be the other way round.

It's not something you ever accept. You just learn to take a day at a time and learn to live with it.

I had a counsellor when Holly was diagnosed with Batten's Disease, which is a degenerative disease that affects the central nervous system. Holly lost her ability to talk first, then the ability to walk and then her sight went.

I now have a counsellor from Martin House - the hospice where Holly was treated and died. It helps because their counsellor is one of the carers who looked after Holly and she knew her. She cared for Holly after she died and she looked after Daniel.

Because I have another child it does make a difference. I have to get up in the mornings and be there for him.

Daniel is my first born child. He is a good boy and turning out well, considering what he has been through. He brings me a lot of happiness. He makes me smile and he helps me. He has been really brave and I am proud of how he is coping.

Holly brought a lot of people together. There are a lot of people in Bradford, where we live, who did not know each other before and do now. She brought a lot of fun and made people smile. She made a lot of people reasess their lives.

An air hostess who we met on a flight to Disneyworld with Holly has now quit her job and is training to be a nurse because she was so inspired by Holly.

The day before Holly's funeral an old lady came up to me and said: "Your little girl changed my grandaughter's life." Her grandaugter had been training as a nursery nurse but wanted to work with children with special needs just through reading about Holly.

A lot of people said that Holly put their lives into perspective.

People would cry and say what a pleasure it was to meet her. She was stunningly beautiful - she was blessed with that. It astounded people that she did not look disabled. Apart from the fact she was in a wheelchair a lot of people did not even know she was blind. She helped people to look at disabled people in a different way.

Holly was very much a wanted child. We had been trying for her for some time and when she was born we were overjoyed to have a girl, with having a boy already. I remember pushing Holly along in her pram and Daniel was on his bike, and thinking: "I have everything - a good husband; two children." You never think it's going to be taken away from you.

Holly had a really strong personality and she was really strong-willed. She would push herself to keep different abilities. She did as much as she could until the disease took over and she really could not do anything.

That was the worst part and knowing how much it would have upset her. To live any longer than she did would have been cruel.

When I look back on the way our lives have been mapped out: why we live where we do, why we know people we do, why my husband, Darren, has the job he has, it's all been because of Holly. There must be a reason for her coming into our life and we still have things to do. She still wants us to do things. She made such a big impact she has not gone away.

I think of how Holly is somewhere safe and happy and content. Sometimes I feel like she is still near me and I talk to her when I am on my own.

Losing Holly was horrendous but I have to keep it in perspective. It would be a far worse way to lose a child through murder. The way Holly went was peaceful and she was with her family.

I did everything I could to help her. There's a lot of comfort in that.

I lost the star for the Christmas tree and Daniel made one with a picture of Holly and put it on top of the tree.

When you look at her you can't help but smile. It's quite comforting. She was determined to be that fairy on top of the Christmas tree.

www.hollyclarke.org.uk